All babies cry, they say. It’ll get better at 8 weeks they say … no 12 weeks … It’ll definitely get better at four months, they say. I’m still waiting.
Is your baby crying more often than not? Not just crying because they’re hungry but really screaming, as if in pain? … All. The. Time? Are they (and you) waking frequently, like every two hours kind of frequently? Are they draining you to the point of physical exhaustion?
Yes, babies cry. Of course bringing a new life into this crazy world is exhausting. But if you’ve met all their physical needs and your newborn or infant is still stripping paint with their blood curdling screams, firstly, know you’re not alone. Secondly, take some comfort, if you can, that it is not normal.
Read that again – despite what all the counter-productive do-gooders will tell you – this is not normal.
People around you, the so called experts in particular, might try and normalise this behaviour, unintentionally giving you the feeling that as a mother you’ve somehow failed. That you aren’t meeting your child’s basic needs, whereas all the smiling mums at playgroup or drinking coffee around you with their seemingly perfect children in fact are.
You know what? It’s not you. That’s right. Some babies are actually broken. Do you know how I know? I had one. A broken baby. I thought my first baby was colicky. I thought for those first 8 weeks that I had to pace around the bedroom to get her to sleep, that she was difficult. She was briefly on Zantac and I took her to a chiropractor for reflux. I now know with hindsight that in actual fact, she was really quite awesome, and that yes, babies do just cry and have these little hurdles to get over in the early weeks of adjusting to this crazy world.
When baby number two came along I knew the difference. This was not normal. My baby was broken. After being told by many people including my paediatrician that some babies are just cranky, I wanted to punch them. In my sleep deprived state, I would have easily been able to plead insanity and get away with it. This baby wasn’t cranky, something was wrong. In my case, after months of chasing answers with the steely determination that only a mother has, it turned out she had a posterior tongue tie and an upper lip tie – she couldn’t eat, and she was hungry all the time. That would make me pretty pissed too.
Day one of revising her tongue and lip by laser at just over three months, and I had a new, happy little person. The person I knew I was supposed to have, and she was just lovely.
So, don’t let anyone tell you some babies are cranky – there is a lovely person inside your cranky human just waiting to get out. I’m in a mummies group of 150 mums, with probably 400 odd babies and kids between them, it’s no surprise that the two crankiest babies in the bunch both turned out to be tied babies.
I’m not a medical expert and of course, it may not be a tongue or lip tie for you, it might be a food intolerance, or a banging headache from a traumatic assisted birth, an ear infection, or any number of other things that upset little ones. But don’t give up, your person wants you to help them be who they are meant to be.
Don’t forget to call on your ‘village’ to help and support you. Whether that’s family, friends or a Facebook support group, not only can they give you a break if you need it (even just to take a shower – let’s face it, you probably smell by now), or help cook a meal in your darkest moment, but you never know who has already been through this journey and may just point you toward your answer.
It will take time and unfortunately money you probably don’t have. Not to mention many late night sessions with Dr Google long after everyone in the house has gone to bed and your eyelids have turned to sandpaper. The medical profession and probably everyone else will say to avoid Google, but let me tell you, Dr Google was there for me when Dr Real World wasn’t. Dr Google, and believe it or not, even Dr Facebook are two of the reasons my small human is now on her road to recovery.
Good luck with your little bundle of ‘joy’, may he or she be gurgling and giggling at you very soon.
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