I write blog posts in my head. They are awesome you know. Riveting. Witty. Informative.
And forgotten.
I write blog posts in my head while driving from kindy to work. I write them while pacing around the room in a delirium rocking a baby back to sleep at 3am for the eleventeenth time that night. I write them while washing and sterilising pumps and bottles, and when pumping into those bottles on the fire escape at work.
Strangely enough they are usually posts about being a working mum, about sleepless nights or the endless roundabout of expressing and what a giant but necessary pain in the butt it is, and the real tears that are cried when you drop a whole bottle on the kitchen floor.
And yes, they are forgotten to the ether that is my brain mush.
Because between the exhaustion of waking 2 hourly every night, starting the day at 4.30am (and still managing to be late for work most mornings), the monsters or toilet emergencies that are getting the two year old out of bed (or other equally valid bed-leaving excuses like “my hair is cold”), my half eaten, cold dinners I remember at 9.30, the pumping, and yet more pumping for every last drop followed by the baby waking hungry and having nothing left to give … When do I find time or even the energy to type up these literary wonders?
I currently have three draft posts on the go. Even if I do find six minutes to spare, like now, I really can’t dig deep enough into my mental resources to do these posts justice. Like the one on our tongue tie journey, that is part 2 to breastfeeding is a piece of cake. It’s too deep, too long, too … Just too. I’ll get there but not tonight. Maybe not tomorrow. But I will finish that one.
And the draft I almost finished 2 weeks ago on my maternity leave coming to an end. Let’s aim for before Christmas for that one.
And even more importantly, I still haven’t prettified this website. It’s still very much a draft. Somewhere to rant, still largely unseen. And it’s a bit embarrassing for someone whose job it is to make things look pretty, who has a degree in multimedia to have an unfinished website, but you know – time and sleep and stuff.
Tonight I’ll be happy that I just downloaded a little bit of my frustration about how this outlet, which was supposed to be therapeutic for me, is actually just becoming another thing on my long list of incomplete projects.